By Annelyse DeBellis, MA, LPCC
No doubt about it, we were made for relationship. When God said, “Let us make man in our image,” many believe that He was making reference to the Trinity’s dynamic ability to have relationship within Himself. God made a relational being when He made Adam so that mankind might be included in the best relationship that ever was. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit have always been in perfect relationship with each other; always loving, supporting and yielding to one another.
The Trinity is the original safe place and God’s intention in making man was to invite us into this powerful relationship. Through the work of the Cross, we now have access to this original safe place that we find in the Trinity. John 15 describes this relationship to be like a vine and branches. We are the branches, connected to the vine, gaining our life source from it. Here we are called to abide, or make our home in Him. This is good news for us. Some of you might be thinking, “That is what I have always longed for.” However some of you might be thinking, “This is too good to be true;” or you might even be thinking, “No thanks, I am not so sure about God’s safety.”
The home environment we experienced growing up has a lot to do with our perception of how safe God is. Individuals who grew up in supportive and caring environments can often easily understand that God is their safe place. When difficult things happen, they run to Him for guidance and support. But this is not the case for many of us. If we grew up in an unsafe household, we tend to view God as unsafe. If our home environment was demanding and performance oriented, we tend to think that God only approves of us when we are performing well for him. If you grew up in a neglectful home, you probably tend to think that God is not available when you are in need. Some of us grew up in abusive homes where sometimes we got the love we needed and sometimes our source of love became hurtful. People who grew up in these types of homes tend to think that God is capricious; we are subject to his whims, which are usually not in our best interest. When bad things happen to these people, they run from God because they do not think that He will come through for them. Scripture however tells us that the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those that are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18). Maybe when you are feeling distanced from God it might be because of the false perception you have about the kind of Father he is.
The Father understands where we have come from. He knows about the hurts that we have experienced as a result of poor or insufficient love. That’s why He sent His dear Son to set us free. Jesus died for every incident of hurt, abuse, rejection and neglect that we have ever experienced. He absorbed into His body the affects of these sins committed against us in order that we would not have to live with their crushing long term affects. He then sent the Holy Spirit to be with us – so that we would not live as orphans. Orphans by definition are fatherless as well as homeless. The Father has made a way for us to find our home in Him through the work of the Cross and the Holy Spirit’s indwelling. Graham Cooke says that “we have three truly awesome, majestic, incredible, astonishing people who love us with great affection, intention and power.” Yes! The Trinity is one hundred percent for us! Amazingly, research shows that individuals who did not grow up in secure home environments tend to have more dramatic experiences of God when they do open their hearts up to him. The Father loves to give us back the things that we have lost.
When coming to counseling, it is very helpful to have a counselor who understands this dynamic. Having a counselor who understands that the Father, Son and Holy Spirit are your greatest allies in the healing process can facilitate your relationship with God. Because you were made to be a relational being, it goes to follow then that the healing process in therapy involves a relationship between a therapist and a client. Research shows that the quality of this relationship is one of the most important factors to a good outcome of the therapeutic process. If a client views his/her therapist as genuine and authentically caring, he/she will learn to trust this therapeutic relationship. Research also shows that a client’s relationship with God in the therapeutic process is extremely helpful. Clients who include faith in the healing process generally report greater satisfaction in their progress over time. Jesus said, “If anyone loves me, he will obey my teachings. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him” (John 15:23). Truly, what Good News this is, that no matter what we have gone through, God’s great desire is to make a home with us.