By Rick R. McQuistion, Ph.D., LPCC-S
Anne Sheffield (2011) calls attention to this issue on her website by discussing what she has called “Depression Fallout.” As a daughter of a depressed parent, she has articulated in her work five stages, which family members often experience. As I share these, I do so believing that family members all too frequently go without the help they need to deal with the confusion, self-doubt, demoralization, anger or resentment, and the desire to escape related to mental illness in the family. In my experience, these same stages seem applicable to people who have family members dealing with a variety of mental or emotional illness, not just depression. Perhaps, it would be appropriate to coin the term, Mental Illness Fallout. With that in mind, let’s consider
Stage One: Confusion is very common among family members of the mentally and emotionally ill. So often, when a loved one has fallen ill, there are many questions. What does this change in mood all mean? Why can’t he just think rationally? What kind of help will she need and for how long? Will counseling really help? Is medicine the right option? The list of questions sometimes is rather long, especially when the condition is new or becomes acute. It is perfectly normal to experience such confusion to something that has previously been unknown. As a counselor, part of what I do is walk family members through all the questions.
Stage Two: Self-doubt ensues as the confusion is allowed to mount. Spouses, parents, and friends alike may question themselves as to what they may have done to cause a loved one to behave suddenly in an uncharacteristically angry or irritable manner. When a mental or emotional disorder is present, confused family members commonly exhibit self-doubt as part of their effort to make sense of what is happening to the one they love. Counseling can provide the support family members need to be confident in their roles pertaining to the mentally ill. Recently, I came across some information on the web that seemed as though it would be helpful to family members of those who suffer from mental illness. As most of mental health care is directed toward the person experiencing a mental or emotional condition themselves, I was struck by the fact that family members may often be overlooked. It seemed that if millions of Americans are personally affected by mental illness each year, multiple millions more family members are impacted as well.
Stage Three: Demoralization is often a central component of fallout. A family member or friend can experience a blow to his/her personal self-esteem when struggling to deal with the mental illness of someone dear to them. A great sense of helplessness and inadequacy may become reality to those close to the mentally ill person. With the presence of low self-esteem and the feeling of powerlessness to assist in all that has gone wrong for a loved one, those close to the one who is ill can often become resentful toward the loved-one. The counselor can have a significant part in offering emotional support and coping strategies for friends and family.
Stage Four: Anger tends to grow when mental illness is present within a home. Family members can become embarrassed by the ill one’s condition. They might also become angry, or even resentful, when income levels, roles and activities, and familial and social interactions are significantly altered or become burdensome due to mental illness. The anger and resentment which results often leads to blaming the person who is mentally ill for the negative impact upon a family’s lifestyle and normal function. Through the process of counseling, families can receive help in recognizing that any anger needs to be directed toward the illness and not the person. Counseling can also be very effective in helping persons address their losses which contribute to anger and resolve their anger overall.
Stage Five: The Desire to Escape can be powerful. How much can one be expected to tolerate? It is not uncommon for relationships to become damaged beyond repair through either psychological or physical distancing, or both, when a troubling illness of any kind occurs. Therefore, it is easy to see how this might hold true in families which have a member who is mentally ill. Marriages become distant or broken, families are disengaged and fragmented, and friendships weaken or end. But, the good news is that the desire to escape can be avoided! By addressing the confusion, self-doubt, demoralization, and anger as each may arise, the feelings of desperation and need to flee become much less likely to develop. Yet, when such desire is present, a counselor can help you form a healthy and responsible course of action.
It is true that family members and friends of those who experience mental and emotional distress and illness can be negatively affected. Still, with the help of an understanding counselor, the fallout of mental illness can be managed effectively.
It is true that family members and friends of those who experience mental and emotional distress and illness can be negatively affected. Still, with the help of an understanding counselor, the fallout of mental illness can be managed effectively.
Resources:
Sheffield, Anne. (1998). How You Can Survive When They’re Depressed. New York
Sheffield, Anne. (Retrieved on October 12, 2011). What is Depression Fallout? http://www.depressionfallout.com/whatisdf.php.